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lyrics
I spent half a lifetime just wasting my time, like my time was infinite
Now I'm perched at the gateway to early middle age, with nothing to show for it
I was so lazy and undisciplined
But starting today I'm gonna make amends
Watch me begin, shedding my skin like a snake or a sunburned Englishman
I'm going clean
I'm going vegan
I'm getting rich
I'm getting organized
I'm gonna fit all my household waste in one little glass jar (I'm gonna buy a glass jar)
I'm losing weight
I'm quitting Facebook
I'm working out
I'm working overtime
I'm gonna practice self-care while exclusively thinking about everybody but myself
You know it won't take much to turn years of bad behavioral patterns around
Just an endless reserve of willpower and an army of friends holding you to account
So no more looking at my phone in bed, I can check my phone in bed when I'm dead
Instead, I'll remember what that guru said
She said "buy my mushroom sex dust for just $7.99"
I'm going clean
I'm going vegan
I'm getting rich
I'm gonna moisturize
I'm gonna ferment my own kombucha in a little glass jar (I'm gonna buy a glass jar)
I'm losing weight
I'm quitting Netflix
I'm working out
I'm working overtime
Only by changing completely will I find somebody who loves me for who I truly am
Wake up with the sun, go for a run, do my taxes early for fun
Keep a journal of all that I've done to distract me from my looming mortality
Productivity's my proclivity, Paltrow, Winfrey don't have shit on me
My life's so blessed even I can't live with me
It's a quarter to eight
Break down, sit on the floor, take seven hours to get out the door
Today doesn't count but tomorrow for sure
Today doesn't count, this week doesn't count, this year doesn't count
I'm going clean
I'm going vegan
I'm getting rich
I'm gonna microdose
And join a Satanist cult led by aging Backstreet Boy Kevin Richardson (all hail Kevin Richardson)
I'm losing weight
I'm quitting Facebook
I'm working out
I'm working overtime
My accomplishments will transcend time and space and this universe
But first, I'm gonna buy a glass jar
credits
released January 1, 2021
Everything except backing vocals by Rachel Glassberg
Backing vocals by Chad Matheny
Mixed and mastered by Adrian Hermes
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